I’m not sure when we became a nation of Adrian Monks, cowering in fear of millions of microscopic germs—and how did humanity survive the millennia without those dispensers of Purel that suddenly appeared—hmm...like bacteria—en masse several years ago? Anyway, it seems news stories are obsessed with pointing all sorts of public places that bacteria can congregate. And I am shocked, shocked, to discover that hotel rooms have bacteria-laden surfaces:

Researchers from the University of Houston took bacteria samples from several items in hotel rooms in three regions of the United States. While the toilet and the sink were expected to have high levels of bacteria, researchers also found more surprising items with high contamination levels, such as the remote and the switch on the bedside lamp. Hotel rooms “don’t have to have it ready for surgery,” said study researcher Jay Neal, a microbiologist at the University of Houston, but there certainly is room for improvement in their cleanliness.

And another shocker:

The highest levels of contamination were found in the maid’s cleaning cart, specifically, on the mop and sponge. That's a problem because it means that bacteria are being carried from room to room, according to the researchers.

I am writing this post from a hotel room and I am not especially worried. You mean that common public places where hundreds or thousands of random people pass through everyday, from parts unknown, have higher concentrations of bacteria? How very strange. Bacteria are everywhere. They are ubiquitous. They can survive in places humans wouldn’t last 30 seconds, like hydrothermal vents at the bottom of the ocean, or highly acidic mine drainage systems, or in deep cold—or perhaps even in a Motel 6. There is no escaping them, and there is no eradicating them. Trying to sterilize every possible surface or location just a) reduces human immune response, which ends up making us sicker, and b) helps breed bacteria that are resistant to antibacterial compounds. This last notion, of developing a “superbug” has been a contentious one, but remains within the realm of possibility. (Also, too, antibacterial products do not have any effect on viruses, which are responsible for the common cold, the flu, etc.) And there is evidence that the chemicals may actually be more harmful than the bacteria! I am reminded of a tirade from one of the characters in Christopher Moore’s novel Fluke (redacted for a family-friendly blog):

“Fine, [forget] it,” Clay said, tossing the plate into the yard. The chicken parts bounced nicely, breading themselves with a light coating of sand, ants, and dried grass. “When did chicken become like plutonium anyway, for [pete’s] sake? You can’t let it touch you or it’s certain...death. And eggs and hamburgers kill you unless you cook them to the consistency of limestone! And if you turn on your [darn] cell phone, the plane is going to plunge out of the sky in a ball of flames? And kids can't take a dump anymore but they have to have a helmet and pads on make them look like the Road Warrior. Right? Right? What the [heck] happened to the world? When did everything get so [goshdarn] deadly? Huh? I've been going to sea for thirty damned years, and nothing's killed me. I've swum with everything that can bite, sting, or eat you, and I've done every stupid thing at depth that any human can -- and I'm still alive. [Dang it], Clair, I was unconscious for an hour underwater less than a week ago, and it didn't kill me. Now you're going to tell me that I'm going to get whacked by a [mere] chicken leg? Well, just [forget] it then!”

As I said, I am writing this from a hotel room and while I am not about to start licking the drapes, some basic sanitary procedures will more than suffice. When I get home, I’ll run that acid bath... Over at the Green Grok, a fuller discussion of our human microbiome, automimmune diseases, childhood allergies and their relation to exposure to certain types of microbes.