Recognizing the vast proliferation of user conferences specific to virtually every company these days, the Association of American User Group Hosts (AAUGH) was recently formed to offer guidance and resources to both hosts and attendees of user conferences. To that end, the association has just announced its very first User Conference User Conference. To be held in—where the f**k else—Las Vegas, the conference, the first of its kind, for better or worse, has already sold out its exhibit space. “Of course,” said Millard Meta, President of AUUGH, “that exhibit space was the janitor’s closet on the 23rd floor of the Luxor Hotel, but we feel it’s a strong start.” 

With educational sessions such as “Getting People In the Door…and Then Back Out Again,” “OK, They’re Here, Now What?” “How to Watch Paint Dry for Fun and Profit,” and “Compelling Interest—A Plus or a Minus?” the inaugural event has attracted interest from individuals and companies as far away as Henderson, Nev. “It’s not the number of the people who attend,” said Meta, “but the quality of those people. That’s why we have physicians on staff to give them full medical and psychological checkups as they register.”

Even though this year’s event is still in the planning stages, Meta is already looking ahead to next year’s event. “If we can get contracts signed before anyone sees what a train wreck this year’s event is likely to be, we’ll be ahead of the game.” Meta also plans to colocate next year’s User Conference User Conference with a new show sponsored by the Association of Associations, and a special symposium held by the Alliance for Stale Bagels.

“It will be a pretty high-carb event,” said Meta.

Editor’s Note: This news item is part of WhatTheyThink's 2015 April Fools Edition.