Anxious for a new offering to stimulate the press market, Lance Benjamin announced a new venture, VaporDigitalTonerJet, that will be available in 36 months. Benjamin has a long history of technology patents and patent medicines, and said that the new product will revolutionize the industry. When asked what the technology in the press will be, he stated “our name speaks for itself, and in fact, the VaporDigitalTonerJet will be the first press with voice recognition technology, and will provide voice feedback to press operators. “Our favorite is 'What, are you crazy? Don't wear a tie near a press, you idiot!' which sounds even funnier in Swedish,” said a chuckling Lance, who has a long history of technology patents and patent medicines.

Based on prior product releases, companies will have to make down payments to get in line for the production models, and will have to commit to buying two of the VaporDigitalTonerJet presses. Lance Benjamin, who has a long history of technology patents and patent medicines (did we mention that before? it's worth repeating), said that “this is not a BOGO deal.” BOGO is industry jargon for “buy one get one,” a phrase that Benjamin had patented in a prior career writing infomercials.

When asked “when did the 36 months start?” he replied “whenever we say it does.”

Editor’s Note: This news item is part of WhatTheyThink's 2015 April Fools Edition.