Gutenberg AirPrint has received $180 million in private investment to bring the printing industry into the future with a new service that literally prints in the cloud...or rather, clouds. “This new investment is a tremendous validation of our business model,” said Harry Cumulus, founder of the new company. “You send us an order for a print rush job, we download the files to a SyQuest disk, and bring it on board a specially outfitted Boeing 747, and we print your job as we head to the airport closest to your customer.” The company has been able to reduce its production costs by refurbishing used SyQuest disks, “and sometimes Zip discs,” Mr. Cumulus interjected. The company is using those technologies because in-flight data transfers are not reliable. “Have you tried to get any work done on those transcontinental flights? It can’t be done. Those great circle routes have no coverage. And, we’re being green because those disks can be reused and are easy to find. Thumb drives tend to fall between the seats if you're not careful.”

Gutenberg AirPrint VP of production Isadore Isobar told us how the company tested the concept. They took a battery pack and a couple of old Savin copiers on a flight for some pretty basic work. “Then on subsequent flights we did more sophisticated work. We eventually got an AB Dick 360, workhorse of the quick printing industry for decades, and did some two-color work with a T-51 head.” Now the company has a Miller four-color in the 747. “Getting the ink-water balance right is pretty tough in turbulence, but that's part of our proprietary technology.” The press operators bring bottles of inks and fluids through security in 4-ounce containers, in one-quart sealed bags. “You don't want problems at TSA checkpoints to delay your print job, that’s for sure.

“Some people call our cloud printing service ‘vaporware,’ but some people just want to rain on our parade.”

Editor’s Note: This news item is part of WhatTheyThink's 2015 April Fools Edition.