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Hard Copy Coalition Starts New Campaign to Support Print, “Print is Good, and Other Media are Sweaty Lightweight Low Energy Ungrateful Liars”

Friday, April 01, 2016

Press release from the issuing company

Editor's Note: Please see below for an important note about this press release.  

The Hard Copy Coalition appears to be taking a cue from the debate performances of presidential candidate Donald Trump. His brash style has been considered insulting and inappropriate by many observers, but it has struck a chord with many disenfranchised voters who believe politicians are evasive and more concerned about political correctness. HCC members are hopeful about the innovative approach.

Franklin Barrelman, president of HCC says “Our new messaging will cut through the clutter and get us the recognition we need in a constantly changing communications marketplace. Our message will lead to a printing industry that will be so fantastic and so good it will seem unbelievable.”

Barrelman continued “Just to emphasize the power of print we will make our point by having no website or social media presence. Digital is all built on lies by liars wasting electrons with their insipid messages. If you want information about us, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to “Digital Media are Ungrateful Lightweight Sweaty Liars Who are Cheating Us, PO Box 2016, Department 4RM, Toterbaum, ME 00123” You'll get something from us in about 10 days. We're working as fast as I can.”

Barrelman said one of the reasons behind the new campaign was the death of spokesperson Abe Vigoda. “The passing of Abe hit us very hard. Who can forget his tear-jerker ad where he said 'They thought I was dead thirty years ago, which is why I love print, which is being called dead by many supposed experts.” Barrelman said that they were thinking of new campaigns with actors playing Vigoda and enhanced by computer animation. “It seems to be working with KFC and Col. Sanders. They got ex-Saturday Night Live actors Darrell Hammond and Norman MacDonnell to play the role, so why not us looking to replicate the great work that Vigoda did for us?”

Below:  April Fools!  This isn't a real press release.  It's a joke.  It's also a WhatTheyThink tradition and we're glad to bring it to you each year.  A little levity to help you enjoy your day.  Cheers!


 

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